You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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