god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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