I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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