He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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