At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
