I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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