And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
