I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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