was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
