Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
