That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
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But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
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You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.