Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
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btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
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There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.