Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize