i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach