he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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