New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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