So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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