she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
