Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
