Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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