This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
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