My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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