Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
