i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
