Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
