Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
