Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
