so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
