there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
