I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you will always have a special place in my vag
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
