Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Randomize
