i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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