Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
