She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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