i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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