I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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