I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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