so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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