Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
