We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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