A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
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Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
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Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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