He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
