would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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