OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
