we made out on top of his cat.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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