I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
