Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
