I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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