Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
