i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
