Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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