I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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