i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Naked. naked and bneed help.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
