The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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