he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
