I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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