tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
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Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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