I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
