2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
