i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
