There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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