I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
