I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize