The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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