apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
